Honoring Your Aging Parents
Wednesday, September 27, 2023
Thursday, August 10, 2023
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Thanksgiving
It's almost Thanksgiving and my Dad is doing so well. He is eating more and even walking a little bit with the walker, gait belt and my help. It is such a joy to see how far he has come in such a short period of time. Since I have been home, he has requested: Goulash, seafood salad, pot roast, fish fry, salmon and too many other things I don't even remember! It is all homemade with the exception of the fish fry -- you have to go out on a Friday night and get some. It's one of the best things I like about Upstate New York. It's not a Friday night without a fish fry!
Speaking of Thanksgiving, my sister, her husband, my niece Jessica and her two daughters will be here. I'm going to make all homemade dinner with the Turkey: Stuffing, bread, mashed potatoes with gravy, cranberry relish, green bean casserole, apple and pumpkin pies! I enjoy cooking for my family and it is such a treat to be able to do so. It's a lot of work and preparation; however, it is for my family and after being on the road for 12+ hours, I want them to sit at the table and eat -- not have to worry about cooking.
I hope everyone out there has a great day with their family and friends and you don't forget what the day means. Be grateful in everything and to everything give praise, glory and honor to Jesus!
Speaking of Thanksgiving, my sister, her husband, my niece Jessica and her two daughters will be here. I'm going to make all homemade dinner with the Turkey: Stuffing, bread, mashed potatoes with gravy, cranberry relish, green bean casserole, apple and pumpkin pies! I enjoy cooking for my family and it is such a treat to be able to do so. It's a lot of work and preparation; however, it is for my family and after being on the road for 12+ hours, I want them to sit at the table and eat -- not have to worry about cooking.
I hope everyone out there has a great day with their family and friends and you don't forget what the day means. Be grateful in everything and to everything give praise, glory and honor to Jesus!
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Happy Birthday
I'm edging closer to the 50 mile marker -- yikes! When did this happen? Why did this happen -- can't we just turn back the clock? I have been told that I look around 15 years younger than I am. That is good news but it doesn't help the fact that in two more years I will turn 50! And, this happens in 2012. I just knew there was going to be a disaster in that year. There has to be if I'm turning 50 -- see there is a connection!
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Yo Mama's Care -- Not Obama Care
I am now officially the Family caregiver! Yes, that means, "me!" This isn't going to be Obama Care and I pray it never will be! Instead, I choose to think of it as "Yo Mama's Care. Is it going to be about how you would treat your mother and/or father -- not universally, but personally. Are you going to make a way for one or both of your parents in your life or home if it comes down to that instead of sending them to a nursing facility or a "home?" Is it the kind of "home" that you want to be placed when you get older? I certainly don't want to be put in a nursing home when I get older so I am planting good seeds that will bring forth a good harvest. On a positive note -- I don't have any kids that will "send me" to a home.
I do have a few trepidations. I have never taken care of another person as intimately as I will need to do for my father. To transfer him in and out of the bed and his lift chair, dress and undress him, take him to the bathroom and clean up after him, change his Depends, wash him, give him his medicine, feed him, etc. Am I going to be able to do all of this? My sister was a Certified Nursing Assistant (CNA) so she has had a lot of training with older people and with people that are not able to walk or take care of themselves. One of my gifts is hospitality but I'm not sure if this will be pushing the envelope in what I can actually do.
Ironic. Funny. Twenty-four years ago at this exact same time, I was moving to Texas and not sure what was going to happen. Now I'm going full circle and moving back to New York -- at least for an undetermined amount of time.
I arrived on July 4th to hot weather. Remember I lived in Dallas for 24 years so I know a little bit about "hot" weather! What is it doing reaching almost 100 degrees in New York? I don't remember it being this hot when I lived here and I emphatically declare, "I did not bring it with me!" I was hoping to be greeted with a little bit more open arms and cooler temperatures. Well, at least my sister was glad to see me since she had to go back to Tennessee in less than a week. I will have a few days with her to get caught up and for her to teach me how to transfer, bathe, and feed Ensure through the G Tube in his stomach.
I do have a few trepidations. I have never taken care of another person as intimately as I will need to do for my father. To transfer him in and out of the bed and his lift chair, dress and undress him, take him to the bathroom and clean up after him, change his Depends, wash him, give him his medicine, feed him, etc. Am I going to be able to do all of this? My sister was a Certified Nursing Assistant (CNA) so she has had a lot of training with older people and with people that are not able to walk or take care of themselves. One of my gifts is hospitality but I'm not sure if this will be pushing the envelope in what I can actually do.
Ironic. Funny. Twenty-four years ago at this exact same time, I was moving to Texas and not sure what was going to happen. Now I'm going full circle and moving back to New York -- at least for an undetermined amount of time.
I arrived on July 4th to hot weather. Remember I lived in Dallas for 24 years so I know a little bit about "hot" weather! What is it doing reaching almost 100 degrees in New York? I don't remember it being this hot when I lived here and I emphatically declare, "I did not bring it with me!" I was hoping to be greeted with a little bit more open arms and cooler temperatures. Well, at least my sister was glad to see me since she had to go back to Tennessee in less than a week. I will have a few days with her to get caught up and for her to teach me how to transfer, bathe, and feed Ensure through the G Tube in his stomach.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Goodbye Girl
"Let me tell you goodbye doesn't mean forever ...." That's funny, it reminds me of a song and a movie!
Elevate Life Church has meant so much to me for the past 5 1/2 years that I was a member and servant leader. In my opinion, there is no better group of people that love the Lord and the people! Many people's lives have been transformed out of alcoholism, drugs, sex, etc. Whatever your vice is and we ALL have them, it is a great place to THINK, BE and DO. Our life is a journey and it is up to us to lead ourselves so that we can lead others. It never ends and if we don't get it right the first time, God has a way of taking us around the track and it is up to us to stop and decide we no longer want to keep going around that merry go round.
When I made my decision to move back home to take care of my father, I spoke with Gwyn Armendariz (or armed and dangerous!) who is on staff at this wonderful church. I served with her and the fabulous, do-it-all-never-stop Glenda Miner who is Pastor Sheila's personal assistant under the women's ministry. I wanted to treat them to lunch and tell her of my decision to step down from the SHINE ministry where I was the captain. To make a long story short, her husband told her ahead of time so she already knew when we met for lunch. When she and Gwyn arrived, she said she was expecting someone else to join us. I asked, "who else is going to be joining us?" She said, "Pastor Sheila" (i.e. Pastor Precious!). I knew at that time she knew what I was going to tell her! We ended up having a wonderful lunch and spent about 1 1/2 - 2 hours together. I was so blessed to have Pastor Sheila join us. When she found out I was leaving, she wanted to join us for lunch and be able to love on me a little bit. I am so thankful for the time I had there to serve with ALL the wonderful ladies in my SHINE team and the wonderful people on staff at Elevate Life Church.
It is certainly not easy saying "bye" to friends and not knowing when you will be back and see them again. If you know that you are headed in the right direction and your steps are ordered by the Lord, you also know that everything will be all right.
On the last night at my home, it had been raining almost non-stop. When I woke up that morning to put the rest of my stuff in the car, it was pouring down. The rain resembled what I was feeling inside -- all torn up, empty and crying. I knew if I started crying out loud, I would not be able to stop. What kept me going was the fact that I had a 12 hour drive for the day and since I wear contacts, I wanted to be able to see while I was driving and not have them all tear stained!
Pastor Ray Harmon called me after I had been on the road for about six hours and that was when I finally broke down. There was some part of me that wondered what I was moving away from and the covering that I would no longer have with this church and what my future held. Every day all we can do is walk by faith and do what we have been called to do. Never think that what "little" you might do is insignificant because it isn't! I always told my SHINE team that when we are together, especially for Girls Night In, you never know what anyone is going through and to be gracious to them (talk, smile, love on them) because you can make a difference. Who knows what a kind word or smile can do for someone? It can be the turning point in their life to bring about a positive change and direction.
"If you elevate your thinking, you will elevate your life." Keith Craft
SHINE Ministry: Spiritual Hands Inspiring and Nurturing Eternity
Elevate Life Church has meant so much to me for the past 5 1/2 years that I was a member and servant leader. In my opinion, there is no better group of people that love the Lord and the people! Many people's lives have been transformed out of alcoholism, drugs, sex, etc. Whatever your vice is and we ALL have them, it is a great place to THINK, BE and DO. Our life is a journey and it is up to us to lead ourselves so that we can lead others. It never ends and if we don't get it right the first time, God has a way of taking us around the track and it is up to us to stop and decide we no longer want to keep going around that merry go round.
When I made my decision to move back home to take care of my father, I spoke with Gwyn Armendariz (or armed and dangerous!) who is on staff at this wonderful church. I served with her and the fabulous, do-it-all-never-stop Glenda Miner who is Pastor Sheila's personal assistant under the women's ministry. I wanted to treat them to lunch and tell her of my decision to step down from the SHINE ministry where I was the captain. To make a long story short, her husband told her ahead of time so she already knew when we met for lunch. When she and Gwyn arrived, she said she was expecting someone else to join us. I asked, "who else is going to be joining us?" She said, "Pastor Sheila" (i.e. Pastor Precious!). I knew at that time she knew what I was going to tell her! We ended up having a wonderful lunch and spent about 1 1/2 - 2 hours together. I was so blessed to have Pastor Sheila join us. When she found out I was leaving, she wanted to join us for lunch and be able to love on me a little bit. I am so thankful for the time I had there to serve with ALL the wonderful ladies in my SHINE team and the wonderful people on staff at Elevate Life Church.
It is certainly not easy saying "bye" to friends and not knowing when you will be back and see them again. If you know that you are headed in the right direction and your steps are ordered by the Lord, you also know that everything will be all right.
On the last night at my home, it had been raining almost non-stop. When I woke up that morning to put the rest of my stuff in the car, it was pouring down. The rain resembled what I was feeling inside -- all torn up, empty and crying. I knew if I started crying out loud, I would not be able to stop. What kept me going was the fact that I had a 12 hour drive for the day and since I wear contacts, I wanted to be able to see while I was driving and not have them all tear stained!
Pastor Ray Harmon called me after I had been on the road for about six hours and that was when I finally broke down. There was some part of me that wondered what I was moving away from and the covering that I would no longer have with this church and what my future held. Every day all we can do is walk by faith and do what we have been called to do. Never think that what "little" you might do is insignificant because it isn't! I always told my SHINE team that when we are together, especially for Girls Night In, you never know what anyone is going through and to be gracious to them (talk, smile, love on them) because you can make a difference. Who knows what a kind word or smile can do for someone? It can be the turning point in their life to bring about a positive change and direction.
"If you elevate your thinking, you will elevate your life." Keith Craft
SHINE Ministry: Spiritual Hands Inspiring and Nurturing Eternity
Thursday, October 21, 2010
The Preparation Process
WOW! Right now means, "Way Over Worked!" What have I got myself into? Do I really know what is all involved in caring for my Dad? What about all the preparation and money that it will take for me to get there? Again, so many questions and things to do -- where do I start??? The JOB (Just Over Broke) what is going to happen to that? How am I going to pay for everything and have income coming in?
Despite all the questions and uncertainty of what is about to happen, I do have peace in the decision I made. Why? How? You Serious? Do you know what you are doing? Look at the economy. If you don't have a job, what are you going to do? What about the life you have developed in Texas? Your friends? Your church?
If you read my other blog Crossroads, I talked about "faith." It is an extremely important part of my Christian walk and whom I believe and trust in. To others it may appear that I am making a wrong decision; however, I knew in my heart that it was God that was sending me into a new season in my life. One that I would never have chosen, yet one that I know I was meant to do.
Now the planning starts. What do I do first? How do I do it? Do I have to do it by myself? Who will help me? How will I get it all done in time? And how do I stop being pulled in all directions with my family? And most importantly, what about the money?? Yeah, don't I wish it grew on a tree!
In order to start the process, I have to have "my house" in order. That literally means giving away, packing for storage, and throwing away the non-essentials that no one else would want. As I go through my 3 bedroom 2 bath 2 car garage, I truly begin to understand how much I have and how much I really shouldn't have. Does that make sense? There are items that I never used, some I used a little, and some that I will never, ever use. Why did I purchase all this "stuff?" And why do I have so much that I have to have 100+ boxes in order to keep it all? I have had to repent over and over because I feel it is too much for one person to have. Guilt and condemnation is washing over me. Which of these will win?
Now that I have gotten that out of my system, I need my home to represent a great appearance on both the inside and the outside. There goes my yellow, turquoise, green, red, and pink colors I had painted 5 1/2 years ago. It needs to become more modern and appeal to everyone. I think a neutral color of a light shade chocolate brown in every room will do. How soon will I be able to get the guys to paint? How long will it take? Can they start now? I have become somewhat impatient to my friend and co-worker, Phil DiPinto. He is trying his best to work around my schedule and the guys schedule so they can keep painting if jobs come in on their end AND I can get my house painted so I can get it rented.
It seems all I'm doing is packing and buying more boxes and plastic containers and bubble wrap. Just when I think I have enough, I find that I don't. That means back to the store -- my weekends are getting very busy and my evenings are all booked up with packing. I am doing my best to get to New York so that my sister will be able to go back home and not lose her job. She was able to take a month off for a Leave of Absence. Not something I can do working for a small company. I had offered them ways in which I could still do the work from a remote location but that was not an option with them.
Faith. I absolutely need you now. Do I continue on my course of where God was leading me without a JOB? Wisdom. Time to meet with an elder who is so much wiser than I am to give me counsel. Linda Marrone is the BEST! She went through everything I gave to her and she tried to think of a third option. Sometimes there is no Plan C -- only A & B. She asked me where my peace was before all this other stuff happened and I said, "to move and be with my father." That is where I need to go back to -- not what is happening in the moment but to where I knew I needed to be. Sometimes other things will come at you to attempt to sidetrack you into going back to what you were doing when you instead need to chart a new course and move ahead!
Where would I be without my family of choice? When push comes to shove, it just shows you who you can count on in a time of crisis. If it wasn't for Sherry Stroope, Lisa Spurgin, Connie Baeumel and Jandra Wright, I'm not so sure I would have gotten everything packed up in time! Especially my neighbor and good friend Sherry! At the end when I had so much to pack, she was over nearly every day helping me. Even after I moved, I still had stuff in my garage she moved out and put my trash out. All these girls really helped me get er done! And Tori Shields, she saved me hours of clean up time -- she and her Mom paid for a housekeeper to come and clean my house! Now that was a blessing!
When it was moving time, a few of the Mighty Men from the church, which was headed up by Jonathan Cook, took everything out of my house, loaded it on a truck and put it in storage. They made two trips and pretty much got everything done in about 3 hours. Kudos also to David Romo and Keith Kratochvil.
There have been several times that I felt like crying because I was so overwhelmed and didn't know how I was going to get everything done. (Maybe I did once or twice). Should I try to sell some things first and put the rest in storage? How would I get everything sold? Do I have to drag everything outside and hold an Estate Sale? Should I have people come into my house and walk through it? I was still working full-time and packing things up in the evening and trying to get it all done.
Once you start working on something that is going to change your whole life, there is so much involved that sometimes family and friends don't understand. To me there was so much uncertainty and questions. Should I put everything in storage or bring it with me? How long will I be gone? Yes, I'm going to rent out my house and my intention is to move back to Texas. There were too many "buts" and I couldn't let the but this and but that get in the way. And, my sister only had 30 days that she could take off from work. I wanted to wait until the end of July before moving so that meant her waiting until the beginning of July to get Dad out of the nursing home. That would mean I would have a better chance to having my house rented and a contract signed before I left. I wanted an order to things. Let's face it -- many times that just does not happen!
I understand the concern that Darlene had. We both felt that he wouldn't last much longer in the nursing home. He didn't have the will to live in that environment. He wasn't reading or watching TV let alone eating, walking, going to the bathroom or dressing himself. He was depressed. He was crying. He wasn't enjoying life. He wanted to be home!
Despite all the questions and uncertainty of what is about to happen, I do have peace in the decision I made. Why? How? You Serious? Do you know what you are doing? Look at the economy. If you don't have a job, what are you going to do? What about the life you have developed in Texas? Your friends? Your church?
If you read my other blog Crossroads, I talked about "faith." It is an extremely important part of my Christian walk and whom I believe and trust in. To others it may appear that I am making a wrong decision; however, I knew in my heart that it was God that was sending me into a new season in my life. One that I would never have chosen, yet one that I know I was meant to do.
Now the planning starts. What do I do first? How do I do it? Do I have to do it by myself? Who will help me? How will I get it all done in time? And how do I stop being pulled in all directions with my family? And most importantly, what about the money?? Yeah, don't I wish it grew on a tree!
In order to start the process, I have to have "my house" in order. That literally means giving away, packing for storage, and throwing away the non-essentials that no one else would want. As I go through my 3 bedroom 2 bath 2 car garage, I truly begin to understand how much I have and how much I really shouldn't have. Does that make sense? There are items that I never used, some I used a little, and some that I will never, ever use. Why did I purchase all this "stuff?" And why do I have so much that I have to have 100+ boxes in order to keep it all? I have had to repent over and over because I feel it is too much for one person to have. Guilt and condemnation is washing over me. Which of these will win?
Now that I have gotten that out of my system, I need my home to represent a great appearance on both the inside and the outside. There goes my yellow, turquoise, green, red, and pink colors I had painted 5 1/2 years ago. It needs to become more modern and appeal to everyone. I think a neutral color of a light shade chocolate brown in every room will do. How soon will I be able to get the guys to paint? How long will it take? Can they start now? I have become somewhat impatient to my friend and co-worker, Phil DiPinto. He is trying his best to work around my schedule and the guys schedule so they can keep painting if jobs come in on their end AND I can get my house painted so I can get it rented.
It seems all I'm doing is packing and buying more boxes and plastic containers and bubble wrap. Just when I think I have enough, I find that I don't. That means back to the store -- my weekends are getting very busy and my evenings are all booked up with packing. I am doing my best to get to New York so that my sister will be able to go back home and not lose her job. She was able to take a month off for a Leave of Absence. Not something I can do working for a small company. I had offered them ways in which I could still do the work from a remote location but that was not an option with them.
Faith. I absolutely need you now. Do I continue on my course of where God was leading me without a JOB? Wisdom. Time to meet with an elder who is so much wiser than I am to give me counsel. Linda Marrone is the BEST! She went through everything I gave to her and she tried to think of a third option. Sometimes there is no Plan C -- only A & B. She asked me where my peace was before all this other stuff happened and I said, "to move and be with my father." That is where I need to go back to -- not what is happening in the moment but to where I knew I needed to be. Sometimes other things will come at you to attempt to sidetrack you into going back to what you were doing when you instead need to chart a new course and move ahead!
Where would I be without my family of choice? When push comes to shove, it just shows you who you can count on in a time of crisis. If it wasn't for Sherry Stroope, Lisa Spurgin, Connie Baeumel and Jandra Wright, I'm not so sure I would have gotten everything packed up in time! Especially my neighbor and good friend Sherry! At the end when I had so much to pack, she was over nearly every day helping me. Even after I moved, I still had stuff in my garage she moved out and put my trash out. All these girls really helped me get er done! And Tori Shields, she saved me hours of clean up time -- she and her Mom paid for a housekeeper to come and clean my house! Now that was a blessing!
When it was moving time, a few of the Mighty Men from the church, which was headed up by Jonathan Cook, took everything out of my house, loaded it on a truck and put it in storage. They made two trips and pretty much got everything done in about 3 hours. Kudos also to David Romo and Keith Kratochvil.
There have been several times that I felt like crying because I was so overwhelmed and didn't know how I was going to get everything done. (Maybe I did once or twice). Should I try to sell some things first and put the rest in storage? How would I get everything sold? Do I have to drag everything outside and hold an Estate Sale? Should I have people come into my house and walk through it? I was still working full-time and packing things up in the evening and trying to get it all done.
Once you start working on something that is going to change your whole life, there is so much involved that sometimes family and friends don't understand. To me there was so much uncertainty and questions. Should I put everything in storage or bring it with me? How long will I be gone? Yes, I'm going to rent out my house and my intention is to move back to Texas. There were too many "buts" and I couldn't let the but this and but that get in the way. And, my sister only had 30 days that she could take off from work. I wanted to wait until the end of July before moving so that meant her waiting until the beginning of July to get Dad out of the nursing home. That would mean I would have a better chance to having my house rented and a contract signed before I left. I wanted an order to things. Let's face it -- many times that just does not happen!
I understand the concern that Darlene had. We both felt that he wouldn't last much longer in the nursing home. He didn't have the will to live in that environment. He wasn't reading or watching TV let alone eating, walking, going to the bathroom or dressing himself. He was depressed. He was crying. He wasn't enjoying life. He wanted to be home!
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